my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
