Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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