Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
