I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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