if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Text me some of your sweat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
