You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
