it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
