It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
