i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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