she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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