Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
