There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
