She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
