i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
