I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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