and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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