allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
