At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
