wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
