oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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