what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
