He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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