I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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