yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
