Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
