It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
