OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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