Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
