dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize