the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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