she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We need to get me chipped asap
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
