Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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