no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
