Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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