do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
