he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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