My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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