What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
smell my finger.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
