I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
