I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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