got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
