it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
