you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found the puke drawer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
