3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
