Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
