i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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