my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
