I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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