Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
