just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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