I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
