hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize