I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i barfeds in our rink
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
