Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize