We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
