the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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