I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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