dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
