i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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