i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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