he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
