he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
