Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
