The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
