the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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