Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
