just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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